THE FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL CONTINUES
OR
WILL I EVER TRULY KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DAIRYMEN’S AND LAWSON’S CHIP DIP?
It’s May 10, 2020, 12:29 pm, Sunday, Mother’s Day.
We’re two months in to the pandemic lockdown. I am running low on antibacterial wipes and Charmin ultra-soft, trying to suck down all the information I can on Facebook, CNN, Instagram, and Twitter, playing eight different people on Word Chums, while watching Netflix, Prime, and daily press briefings before my phone dies or my brain dies (whichever comes first), and my jeans that I was so excited were loose again in March, are now tightening back around my hips, and I’m almost out of chocolate. And now I am irritable and sick. Again.
I stayed working for two weeks after the Ohio Stay-at-Home order went into effect, then the sinus drainage started and I had to leave work; not by choice, but by the new rules. So, after virtual visits, COVID testing, massive albuterol intakes, and a trip to the ER, all encompassed within two weeks of dealing with SOB and flu symptoms, I felt better. So I did some stuff around the house: worked on my shop; worked in the yard. Then I got sick again; another few days down for the count. Then better, I worked in the yard, got my garden tilled, made some flower boxes, finished the kids’ toolboxes we started when the kids went to places like schools. Then down again. I tried to carry on and work on my shop but I would get light-headed. But it did force me to sit down and get some writing stuff done. I finished a draft of writing booklet. Started working out ideas on a book my teacher friend and I want to write together. Writing this journal since I was too sick, again, to go to my mother-in-law’s for Mother’s Day and worry about infecting her. Normally, I wouldn’t have gone being sick anyway, but especially now. My spouse really didn’t want me going for fear of getting her mother sick, even from a distance, and staying outside, and wearing a mask.
During this time, I have spent endless hours on my phone playing games, checking every Facebook notification, falling down Pinterest loopholes of garden and workshop storage ideas, screenshotting ideas — most of which will never come to be, watching videos, reading stories and news, checking death tolls, reading back and forth comments on ‘mask or no mask’ and the ugliness that comes with such arguments lately. It’s overwhelming. On the days I find myself feeling too crappy to do anything physical around the house I have to force myself to get off the phone and take a break, even if it’s to binge watch Arrested Development since I didn’t see most of it when it was on TV. Love it. It’s brilliant. And funny. I know what I should be doing is writing. My unfinished projects keep calling me and I find other things that “have to be done.” Or mentally, I just can’t get to it. I get in this vicious cycle of, ‘if I start this, I am going to need every day for a few weeks to finish, well that’s not feasible so I guess I will just not start it, but I keep thinking about it and then go back to the time thing and then feel bad for not doing it and then back again and then I sit down and write this journal and here we are.
The weeks leading up to me getting sick were pretty stressful at work. The scientists are telling us to distance and the government shuts all essential things down, but the “leaders” on our job site laugh it off and don’t follow the rules, even though someone on my job tested positive. A few of us wore face coverings, even though we were ridiculed for it, and many people were not being respectful of personal space. When I got tested that following Monday after staying home, I thought for sure I would have had it. And seeing how I have been sick off and on for a few weeks; I may have it now. But unless I get really sick or testing becomes more widespread, I will never know. I beat myself up about going back to work. My spouse says stay home and stay safe. If I go back and get so much as the sniffles (which is pretty much every day during allergy season), I have to stay home and then I don’t get paid. It’s frustrating. Most of this stuff I would power through and go to work and be fine, but every allergy symptom puts me on “the list”. I wish I could stop worrying about work and everything else and just get some shit done. I don’t know which solution is best, but for now I will respect my spouse’s wishes to not bring anything home and infect her and work on that ever-growing to-do list.
This whole thing is crazy and I go back and forth on being super careful following the rules and let’s just all go back to normal and let Mother Nature take its course. The world is over-populated, we’re destroying our ecosystem, people are cruel, and the planet is tired and pissed. Natural disasters, climate change, disease, and now killer hornets. Killer hornets? Seriously? Every so often the planet cleanses itself and now is that time and maybe we should just let her do what she needs to do and the people that are left will pick up, clean up, and start over and we can only hope they learn from all this and make it a better place. And then my spouse tells me to put on my mask so us immunocompromised people don’t die. You can’t win. No one can. And it’s not about win or lose. It’s about people.
I don’t pretend to know everything that’s going on. With all the contradicting information and the way that information is changing daily, it’s sometimes hard to navigate through what’s real and what isn’t. But here’s what I do think: I do believe COVID is more serious than the flu – just look at all the places that it hit really hard and the growing death tolls in just a few weeks and the overwhelmed healthcare system. Politics aside, if you don’t see it, your head is in the sand; by ignorance, or by choice. If I didn’t believe the numbers, the science, and the first-hand accounts, I would definitely believe after spending an afternoon in the ER and talking with all the people there on the front lines. They know because they have seen it, lived it; they’ve taken care of the sick and watched people die and they know it’s real. I believe that the reason Ohio held its numbers at bay was because of the swift action of our Governor and his team. And although somedays I wish a slow COVID death on some of the ignorant, disrespectful people around me – including our narcissistic, selfish, lying, ignorant, bully of a president, I don’t believe it’s up to me to decide who lives or dies. So, for that reason I will do the simplest thing I can do, and wear a mask out in public and respect people’s personal space.
I think it’s ridiculous that people are protesting wearing a mask while they’re out shopping. “You’re taking away my constitutional rights”. Really? I don’t remember your choice to endanger the public by not wearing a mask during a pandemic being in the constitution. Talk to me when the government starts making laws about your body, or not being able to get legally married, or not fired from your job for being gay, or not getting equal pay for equal work, or getting gunned down while jogging down the street just for being black (R.I.P. Ahmaud), or the millions of atrocities that happen to people all over the world every day. It is not your right, or mine, to put others in danger. When you choose to live in a society, that means being respectful of other members of that society, and protecting the society as a whole. If you don’t want to follow the rules of society, then leave society. And if you can’t express yourself without violence or throwing hate out onto other groups, especially those that have nothing to do with any of this, then you should just stay home and mind your own business. And I would bet my life on it that if a group of black protestors would storm the state house armed with assault rifles, they would be dead or in jail. It’s ridiculous that this has been not only allowed, but encouraged by the president. The government might be likely to listen to you if you presented yourself in a civil manner, using social distancing protocols to protect other people. I know if someone came to my house carrying a rifle and yelling at me, I sure wouldn’t open the door. Would you?
I’m tired of hunkering down just like a lot of people, but I think we can do the things we want to do and still respect the health and well-being of other people. I don’t know your health situation or your fears, so I will try to be respectful of that by doing whatever I can, whether it’s social distance or a mask or giving you a big hug if you really need it. I will wear a mask and wash my hands after, but I’ll still do it if you really need it. And, to be honest, I wouldn’t mind people keeping a little social distance in public places when this whole thing is over; I don’t need strangers breathing down my neck while I am trying to pick out a good tomato in the produce section. And I miss my local eateries and seeing movies. I will be the first in line to go to a restaurant and sit down and have a nice meal, and I hope the establishment will be smart and respectful of its patrons and take as many precautions as is reasonably possible. We can’t do it all, but I think we all can make an effort. I don’t expect perfection, but I wouldn’t mind some precaution.
This whole time is strange for everyone. We’re all stressed out, and anxious, and missing our people, and concerts, and hanging out, and all the things we love to see and do, and we all want to get back to normal and I think if we can just suck it up and follow some basic guidelines for now — ie, wearing a mask and/or giving people some space – then we can get back to normal sooner, rather than later. And we can be kind. Whether you’re a mask wearer or not, we can still be respectful. We can still be considerate. We can maybe not chastise people for their choices and just give each other the space they need, say “Have a good day,” and move on.
Here’s to hoping we all stay safe and healthy and kind, and can soon clink glasses and say “Cheers” in our favorite restaurant, over a nice meal, after seeing a movie with the people we met there, and hugged hello with, and then retreat to someone’s house for a campfire, and share smores fixings, and then post it all on social media the next morning so everyone can see what a wonderful life we have as we sit behind our screens and drink our coffee in the comfort of our own homes and in our pajamas. And we might stay hunkered down in our pajamas all day, hiding behind our screens, reading books, or binge-watching Flea Market Flip while snacking on chips and dip, but this time it’ll be because we want to.
dmglassblog 